Title: Drunk
Author: JC Sun
Category: VRA

Summary: The ahou is very congenially drunk.

*

Sorry, Watsuki. You've been treating the poor babies so badly that while you weren't looking, I stole the boys out of your drawer. We've just been having a grand old time painting the town six different colors of red. Me and Sai-sama take turns screwing the ahou while Kenshin just sits there, laughing his ass off until we shut him up with a kiss or two or seven.

*

You're drunk.

Congratulations, cop. You're a sharp one. I hadn't noticed myself. . . God. It smells wonderful out here. If I had to stay in that hellhole one more second, I'd've lost it.

You did. Repeatedly. On my shoes.

Only once. But it was a token of my affection Don't you want me to show you how much I love you?

In the future, you can keep your demonstrations to yourself, ahou.

Yeah, I could keep them to myself, but since I'm such a wonderful, generous guy, I won't. But, *sensei*, you know, you could've tipped that poor serving girl a *little* more.

You weren't the one paying.

Hell, she looked so *disappointed*. . . A decent tip was the least we could've done for the poor thing.

The waitress looked so *revolted*. You almost passed out in your own vomit.

I did not. I didn't come close to passing out, and for crying out loud, Saitou, I only puked once. Or don't they teach you how to count in spy school?

Some of us don't need to be taught the difference between one and six.

I did not puke six times. And just because you've got a steady, semi-legitimate job that has decent pay doesn't make you any smarter than me. Or tougher. Hell, it's *you* that the neighbor's kids ask to get their kite out of the tree.

Because they know better than to ask you.

Lot they know.

Remember the time you tried and you broke a rib?

Oh.

I'd forgotten about that one. . . How was *I* supposed to know that it was rotten inside? Oh man, that was great. I'll never forget you trying to convince Megumi you hadn't done it beating the crap out of me--again. Admit it, you were scared of her.

You're drunk.

We went over this about five minutes ago as I recall, or are you so old and feeble that you don't remember that far back in time?

Give it a rest, ahou, or I'll take you back to that ditch and I really will leave you there for the rest of the night.

You wouldn't dare. Besides, who'd would you use to keep your bed warm at night? Some street-walking yakuta? Even the toughest one'd take a look at your piss-ugly face and run.

Piss-ugly face. Now there's a new one.

I'm just creative like that. By the way, you're supposed to deny that you'd even think about hiring a whore.

Really. At the very least, they'd be quieter that you.

I thought you liked me being noisy. Sure as hell seemed that way last night.

Aww. Is our tough cop *blushing*? Look at him turn red.

You really are drunk.

You really are senile. . . And it's still raining.

Congratulations, ahou. It's only been doing that for the past half hour. You only jumped in every puddle from here to Kyoto.

Go fuck yourself. 'If you catch a cold and die, ahou, I will not drag your misbegotten, useless ass to Megumi again'. You should try jumping into a puddle sometime, Saitou. Makes you feel like a kid again, but then, you probably sprung out of the ground fully formed with a sword in your hand, screaming aku-soku-zan.

Of course.

You didn't leave me back there.

Where?

When I uh. . . slipped. And fell.

Of course not.

Were you actually being. . . sentimental?

If I'd left you to fend for yourself, you would've been knifed by the first competent theif that came along, and that would've made work for me.

So damn practical, aren't you.

One of us has to be.

Us. I like the sound of that.

You're drunk.

You say that a lot. I read somewhere that people who repeat the same things over and over again do it because they can't think of other things to say. Because they don't have any brains.

And what does it say about people who won't stop talking?

That they're brilliant, intelligent people who will rise to high positions and make huge amounts of money. That they're also stunningly good-looking and are great catches for the bastard lucky enough to snag them.

Snag.

Oh, hell yeah. You seduced me. Let's be very clear about that. I came to you for lessons in swordsmanship, and you took advantage of me while I lay prostate on the ground with exhaustion.

First, you were prostrate on the ground because I had beaten the living shit out of you. Secondly, you kissed me.

Maybe I did.

You did.

That was fun even though your mouth tastes like an ashtray. Smoking's really bad for your health and your breath, you know?

Thank you, Dr. Ahou.

Why do you keep calling me that?

Because you're stupid.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm grinding out your cigarette, moron-sensei.

Why?

Because I can't kiss you if you've got that in your mouth.

You could've just asked me.

Allright. Saitou, you bastard, stop smoking long enough so that I can kiss you until you see stars.

No.

See what I me--

Ahou, it's entirely possible to kiss someone while you're smoking. It just takes a little more planning.

Go to hell.

If I'm going there, then where are you going? Heaven's not going to let you in.

The philosopher aren't we, Saitou, but you're right. Heaven's going to be too boring--I might as well join you in hell.

Great. I won't be able to get away from you, ahou, even in death.

Damn right, shinsengumi kumichan sanbantai Saitou Hajime. 'I will follow your footsteps/ disappearing amongst the fallen blossoms/ forever until the deepest shadow/of the tallest mountains'

When'd you learn *that*?

I read it in a book.

OK, so Aoshi wrote it on a strip of paper, left it in the kitchen, and I saw it. I think it's his twisted idea of a love note for Kenshin. I don't know what Kenshin sees in him.

Class, for one thing

Sai--! What the hel--hell are you *doing*?

Trying to impart some of *my* class to you. I'm trying to improve you.